Hi iCarly, iAm Amber
by LyricLover8787
Summary: Amber moves to Seattle from Boston, and has no idea the what's in store for her; the trio of iCarly. But when one of the web stars does something unexpected, it could unleash a secret bottled up inside Amber for years, and could end disastrously.
1. iMeet The Crew

Hi Carly Shay, iAm Amber

The world was dark. I felt it swirling around me in an array of dark and depressing sadness. I forgot about Janet's party next week, I forgot about my report due tomorrow that I haven't even started, I forgot about everything and focused on this new obstacle; me, Amber Cencyl, a native Bostonian, was moving to Seattle, Washington.

My dad was already out there, on a "business trip", he had told us a week ago, but I had the feeling he was shopping on the real estate market out there. My older sister has been watching me for the past week, and I'm pretty sure she knew about the entire thing, and just decided not to tell me.

She's done with high school and is going to Seattle University. You would think she'd be angry my dad and I are following her out there, but she's not. She's been practically my mother since my real mom died and she's a total goody-goody.

Dad's coming back home tomorrow to help us pack and we are moving in two weeks.

Those two weeks didn't turn out to be fun. It was hard to tell all my friends that I wouldn't be returning after summer vacation. My friends, Sasha, Janet, Francesca, Whitney, Kris, Toby, and Greg, threw me a big going away party, and invited practically the entire school. At the end of it Janet cried. Almost my entire family lived in Washington, so there was almost no one else to say goodbye to. The only other person I had to say goodbye to was my neighbor Brian, who's been like a brother to me since I moved to Boston..

The next day, we left at 7:00am to catch a plane at Logan airport. Janet and Sasha were there, and they both burst into hysterics when my flight was called to board. I cried a lot too. We exchanged emails again, confirmed cell phone numbers and Sasha pulled out three friendship rings with our symbols on them; disco ball for Sasha because she's always up for a party, a skull with heart eyes for Janet to show how bad she is, and the hearts to represent the fact we know there is some good in her, and a four leaf clover for me, to remind me how lucky I am to have such great friends. Then, we parted, and I was on my way to a whole new world.

My dad met my sister and me at the airport in Seattle, and we journeyed to the land of luggage to find my many belongings. I was at least happy to have my most prized possession with me; my guitar. I am a natural musician if I do say so my self. Anyway, my dad was shipping the less important stuff to our apartment, which he did a week ago, so it should be there when we get there. We got into his Lexus and began our voyage through downtown Seattle at 8:30pm, on our way to Bushwell Apartments.

Our apartment was on the fourth floor, and it was rather spacious. Everyone had their own room, well except my sister, who is leaving for college in a week. I instantly decorated my room, and my dad said that the loft could be my new hangout. I put some of my cool futons, bean bag chairs, disco ball, and a gumball machine in there. It was officially Amberfied. I felt like this house was mine.

My dad would start working as the vice-president at the Seattle headquarters of whatever business he worked for tomorrow. He was the VP at Boston's headquarters too, so he got transferred I guess. He told me he would be working from 7 o'clock am to 9 o'clock pm, so I would basically have the house to myself and various new friends I might possibly make. Anyway, I was excited for school to start for me in two weeks.

Dad and Rachel (my sister) left our new apartment bright an early the next day, and I decided to explore the new apartment building. I ventured down to the lobby where I met the most obnoxious person in the world for the first time.

"Excuse me, uh, sir." I said to the doorman curiously.

"He looked up at me and smiled gently. And then I saw it. The biggest most disgusting thing I have ever seen; a wart. A wart the size of my eye.

"What is it, sweetie?" He said slyly.

"Um, are there any kids in this apartment about my age?"

"YES! AND I HATE THEM! I HATE ALL OF YOU! EHHHHHHH!!!!!"He threw the phone at floor, grabbed the coffee I was holding and stormed into the room behind him.

"Okay…." I said aloud.

"Oh, I see you've met Lewbert."

I spun around to face the source of the voice. A brown eyed girl about the same height as me was standing there with a smirk on her face and a blonde girl that reminded me of Janet, and a boy with brown hair that was the cutest thing since I last saw Toby Maguire. But I had to resist it. I couldn't fall for him. Not again.

"You'll get used to him. Just don't talk to him and you'll get by," the brown haired girl grinned, "Are you new here?"

"Uh, yeah, I'm on the fourth floor."

"Well welcome to the complex!" said the boy cheerily. I stared at him, and stared at him, and he stared back with the same expression on his face. I knew what it was, too, even though I had only seen it once before; it was love at first sight. I did everything in my power not to be too obvious. I couldn't. I couldn't love again. I had forbidden myself to, and for good reason.

"Do you have anything to drink?" said the blonde girl popping into the conversation.

"I used to, until that weirdo of a doorman took my coffee."

"Don't mind her." whispered the boy.

"It's okay, she reminds me of a friend back home." I said fondly.

"Well good! Because now I don't have to pretend to be some goody-goody prissy pants when I'm around you! You got a name?" questioned the blonde girl.

"Yeah, I'm Amber Cencyl, fresh out of Boston."

"I'm Carly, this is Freddie, and the thirsty one is Sam," said the girl named Carly, "and speaking of Sam, where did she go?"

We turned and heard a sharp yelp coming from the Lewbert infested room.

"Help! That's my coffee! Give it back!" We could hear Lewbert shouting. Suddenly, Sam bursted out of the door with my coffee in hand.

"Let's go!" She said running towards the elevator trying not to spill her new prize. We followed her to the elevator just before Lewbert emerged from his Lewbe-cave. The doors shut. I looked over at Carly and saw her grinning and Freddie shaking his head as Sam gulped down **my** coffee.

"So," I said trying to start a conversation," that Lewbert guy, uh, what is exactly wrong with him?"

Freddie turned to me. "Some say he got all crazy when that wart appeared on his face, others say he was dropped on his head when he was a baby. No one actually knows"

"But the best part," Sam began to say, finally coming up for air, "is that he is the easiest guy in the world to pull pranks on!"

"Sam, do you remember what happened last time we did that?"

"It wasn't a big deal!"

"We broke at least four bones, injured his knee, and blew his wart clean of his face!"

"You did what?" I asked in shock, as the elevator stopped at the third floor, apparently where both Carly and Freddie lived. We began walking down the hallway in the direction of someone's room.

"It' a segment on our web show, iCarly called 'Messin' With Lewbert'."

"iCarly? My friend Sasha has watched every episode! She talked about it so much I decided not to watch it just because she'd narrate the entire thing every Friday morning at school."

"Well, you should come check it out sometime," Freddie said, as my heart leaped, "we're actually starting the show and you could sit-"

"-in the Seat of Sitting?" I said as-a-matter-of-factly.

"Yeah, but only if it's okay with you guys." Freddie turned to Sam and Carly.

Carly spoke up and said," Sure, we haven't had a live audience in a while. Do you have any special talents? We've been trying to figure out something to do for the last 5 minutes of the show, and now that you're here-"

"-we can make her totally uncomfortable by putting her in center spotlight even though we just met her?" Sam said, and everyone stared at her, Freddie glaring (yay)!

Sam shrugged in approval as Carly turned and walked right into her apartment. And Sam bran right to the fridge.

"So special talents," Freddie began, "you got any?"

"Not really, the only thing I'm good at is playing guitar, but I'm not to fabulous at singing."

Carly butt in and said, "I'll sing with you! I've always wanted to sing on the web show, but not solo. Sam and Freddie won't sing."

"Okay, I'm in!"

I looked around Carly's apartment and saw colors and sculptures and art everywhere. Other than that it was just like my apartment, except cooler and didn't have boxes lying all over the place.

"You're an artist?"

"No," Carly said placing her bag down," that's my brother, who incidentally isn't here right now…" She looked around curiously. She then picked up the phone and began to dial.

"Hey, do you want to come see the studio where we do iCarly?" Asked the most incredibly sweet, cute and best smiling boy in the world even that I only met him five minutes ago, and couldn't fall for.

"Sure," I said, trying not to sound too nervous. He leaded me to the stairs and we began our journey upward. We stepped into the loft.

"So, do you like it here in Seattle?"

"I guess so," I said looking around curiously and advancing forward," the only downside is that I had to give up my season tickets for the Red Sox, but now the people I gave them to send me the tickets the get for Mariners games."

I turned around to look him in the eye, but he made a sudden movement toward me, and placed his lips on mine and kissed me. Little did I know Sam and Carly were standing in the doorway watching.

_**Carly felt relieved that Freddie had finally gotten over her, but nervous that Freddie and Amber would act like Sam and Jonah did in the.**_

_**Sam felt a secret pang of jealousy tried to not show it in her face.**_

_**And Amber was holding back a secret that would lead to destruction.**_

I pushed Freddie away, stood back, sniffled, then burst into tears and ran by Carly and Sam all the way to my room that I didn't tell them the number of.

My dad wasn't home, nor was my sister, so I proceeded to the bathroom where I locked the door, sat down and continued crying.

_I could tell them, _I thought, _No I shouldn't, I couldn't!_

I wanted to tell them, but they wouldn't understand. No one does. Not even my own sister. I grabbed my razor, stuck it to my wrist, and pushed until my pain and suffering came out of me in a red liquid form. Back to my old habits again. And that's not the half of it. Wait until they hear why.


	2. iHave A Story

I sobbed again, thinking about my past. I used to cut myself a lot when I was twelve, until my older sister found out and told a therapist. She was, and still is, extremely over protective over me because of what happened that year.

I decided to suck it up and go back to Carly's apartment to tell her that I'll be on her show, but just to watch tonight.

I walked to the elevator, went down a floor, and made my way up the hall to Carly's apartment. I knocked cautiously on the door. "It's open!" I heard an unfamiliar voice yell from the inside. I entered warily. "Hello?" I said to the dude who was rapidly painting a, well, I don't really know what it was he was painting.

"Is Carly here?" I asked, nervously.

The dude turned and smiled. "Ah, you must be that new Amber girl they've been talking about. I'm Spencer."

"Ah, right. Spencer. What are you doing?"

"I'm just creating a new sculpture! You want to see it?"

"I'm not really-"

"Come on!"

"Fine! I will!" I walked over to him and his artwork. He was nice enough and I trusted that no h arm would come of it.

"What is that?" I said as I finally saw the entire sculpture.

"It's a chicken!"

"So why are you painting it neon colors?"

"Because it's fun and more entertaining to look at than a regular chicken!" He said cheerily.

He was right. It was much more fun to look at than a plain old chicken.

"It is. Where's Carly?"

"She's up in the loft getting ready for iCarly. You can go up if you want."

I said thanks and than ventured up the stairs for a second time today. I walked stealthily towards the door leading toward the studio so I could hear what they were saying. I heard Carly's voice say:" Freddie, just stop. I don't think the girl's a lesbian."

"Why would she run away crying than?"

"Maybe because that was the worst thing she experienced in her entire life," implied Sam.

"That's nice Sam, real mature. I just hope she's okay. I mean I didn't really do anything really?" Freddie asked seeking comforting words from Carly. "Freddie, you only met the girl five minutes ago when you kissed her maybe she just, thought it was too soon?"

"I just hope she's okay," I heard Freddie say worriedly, and I pulled my jacket over my visible wrists," should we go and check on her?"

"It's not possible ham-butt, she never told us her apartment number and we all know if we ask Lewbert her apartment number he'll just throw something at us."

Freddie sighed. I sneaked back downstairs. Spencer wasn't there this time, so I decided to make an entry by elevator, to make it seem like I just walked into her apartment and was never listening at the door. I pressed the up arrow by the elevator and waited casually. Spencer walked back into the room carrying a tub of bright blue paint with his headphones on. I guess he was trying to get "in the zone".

The elevator opened in front of me and I stepped into it, turned, hit the close button, and began my slow journey upward. I hope Spencer didn't see me. The elevator dinged, and opened. I saw three sets of eyes staring at me. I walked in and sat down in the "Seat of Sitting". No one said a word. I was thankful for that. Until Carly spoke up and said" The show starts in twenty minutes, Sam and Freddie why don't you guys go get something to drink before the show, while I tell Amber what she'll be doing."

"But-" Freddie began, but Sam pulled him out of the room by his ear before he could say anything else. They closed behind them, and Carly turned to me and said, "Are you okay? What happened back there?"

"I, um, just kind of, well; I don't really want to talk about it."

"Freddie's just really worried that you hate him now. He's only had one girlfriend before, and it was only because she wanted to ruin iCarly."

"Well, he should know that I've only had one boyfriend before, too," I began to sniffle a bit. Carly showed some concern. "What happened?"

I blinked back tears. I didn't want to talk about this, but I felt Carly had a right to know what I was trying to forget. "I was twelve, almost thirteen," I began, sniffling between words," and I had the best boyfriend in the world. I was so happy then. We would always hang out after school with all of our friends," I looked over at Carly through my watery eyes, and saw her staring and listening intently, "One day we were hanging out and, that day, he kissed me for the first time." Carly leaned forward eagerly patting me on the back, because she knows this is difficult for me, but she doesn't know why, yet. "I told him I had to go and run an errand before I went home, and he said he had an errand to run too, so we walked up the street and we went our separate ways. I went to pick up the milk my mom told me to by when I came home from school, and, and," I wiped my cheek that was becoming damp with tears. Carly obviously wanted to know what happened, so I had to try my best to tell her. I avoided her gaze and continued," and I began walking home. I was about three blocks from home when," I started crying hysterically now, and Carly did her best to comfort me, "when I heard the gunshots."

I ran all the way home. I was scared thinking a man got shot down the street. I ran into my house, screaming for my mom, but she didn't answer. I went upstairs to her bedroom and saw her lying on the floor, bullet wounds on her back. Then I looked up. And I saw, I saw," Carly knew where this was going and said with her eyes wide, "him." I burst into tears.

"So that's why you freaked out! Oh my god, Amber that's horrible!"

"I knew at once she was dead. I couldn't speak. I couldn't even yell at him. I looked down at my mother's body again, and looked back up at my boyfriend. He saw my misery, my pain, and my suffering in my eyes and he received some of it. He couldn't bear to watch me any longer. He couldn't bear to live any longer. He put the gun up to his head and pulled the trigger, and was gone forever."

There was a long pause, and I began again. "I tried to stop him, I wanted to help him. I was mad, I was furious at him, but I forgave him. He didn't know I did, he didn't know I would. All was lost that day. My mom, my boyfriend and my hope,"

I looked up. My eyes were red and puffy and I had an evil look of pain upon my face. I looked like he did. I wore the same expression that he did when he saw my face that day.

"I don't know why he did it. All I know is that he did do it. I heard sirens wailing, car driving fast, and the honking horn of law enforcement. I collapsed, crying sobbing, as they carried the bodies away. My dad and sister were there with me, but they didn't feel the pain I felt. It was my boyfriend, my fault, and my eyes that had watched the murder and suicide happen. And I wish I never did."

Carly was almost in tears at that point, but she needed to know the last detail. "Therapists couldn't help me, psychologists couldn't help me. There was only one place I felt at home. It was a place where I met other kids who had watched murders and suicides happen. We all got along really well, and that's where I met my two bet friends, Sasha and Janet. And life went on."

At that exact moment, Sam and Freddie re-entered the room once more, carrying four Peppy Colas. I wiped my eyes to make it look like I hadn't been crying, pulled my sleeves down, and showed wide eyes to Carly to tell her that she can't tell anyone and I have to talk to her after the show. Sam threw me a Peppy Cola, and we all opened ours at the same time. I felt like I was actually part of the group this time. "You guys were listening at the door weren't you?" I said to Freddie and Sam whose faces had become brighter with the new edition of a satisfactory grin. "How did you know?" Freddie asked suspiciously. "Because I was listening at the door to you guys talk about me earlier today. And no Freddie, I am not a lesbian!"

They laughed, and directed me to the "Seat of Sitting".

"5, 4, 3, 2, 1" Freddie counted down, and the show began!

_**Preview from Chapter 3:**_

"OMG! I can't believe you were on iCarly!" Sasha said at the other end of the phone line.

"Yeah, no big deal. They're kind of my friends now. Especially Carly. I told her what happened to my mom."

"Why?"

I explained the whole Freddie kissing thing and the running, crying, cutting and awkward conversation.

"Girl, don't tell me you cut again!"

"I promise I won't do it anymore! I'll stick to that scream in a pillow treatment Dr. Grosnervor taught us at that stupid clinic!"

We laughed. "Hey, I thought that clinic was very important!" We giggled more.

I met Sasha at a clinic for kids who have witnessed murders of suicide. Sasha witnessed her dad getting shot in an alleyway. Sasha's dad was a big gangster guy in New York City. Sasha is African-American, and doesn't like being told what to do now.

My other friend Janet moved to Boston from Chicago where she knew a boy in school who was so miserable, he tried to hang himself on a playground after school. Janet ran under him after he jumped, and tried to lift him up so he didn't kill himself. She tried to talk him into getting down, but he wouldn't agree to it. Eventually the boy got so mad Janet was trying to save him, he took his foot she was holding up, and kicked her in the face giving her a broken nose. She fell back after he kicked her and she couldn't get back to him in time.


End file.
